littlelaughalot
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Adieu!Well, I think it's about time I said adieu to the blog. I don't find myself having the time these days. I have been thinking over this last wee while that sometimes blogging can be an amazing thing...sharing with others what is going on in your life, and where you are in your journey. Others can celebrate good times with you and offer support and comfort when times are tough. For those who have done that....thank you!
But then...I have also wondered whether there is a negative side to it all too!. I think if we all knew what everyone else was thinking all the time, the real truth about how we feel about an individual or a situation, then we would all be at war with one another, and I don't think we would have any friends. No one is perfect, we all moan about someone, at sometime....we all let our hurts show and our anger flare....but mostly in people lives these truths about how you feel at that time are unseen by others, even by our closest friends. Sometimes blogging about what you are thinking, or what you are going through in your life, perhaps in a time when you are just expressing how you feel about something... ...then you open yourself to criticism and to the dangers that someone will be offended...and all sorts of other negative things that just set you back even more in your life, and make your worries even bigger ones.
We all own our own feelings and should feel free to express them...and the truth of the matter is that if you share them on such a thing as a blog, then there will always be someone who is offended, even when that was the furthest thing from your intentions. There will always be someone who reads into something you've written that was never meant to be taken the way they have taken it. Sharing your world, and your inner most thoughts with everyone, although the majority of the time is a liberating and wonderful experience, can also at times be the worst thing to do.
I've come to the conclusion rightly or wrongly that in my experience, it's not worth it. I've seen recently nothing but bother from bearing your soul. I've seen loved ones who are just being "real", expressing feelings that they rightly own...only to find someone...and sadly most times someone who is close to you.....take offense at it. The very people who should know you the best, and have just a little bit more respect for you and your feelings, should at least know where you are coming from.
Anyway.....I shall say my farewells. Thanks to everyone who has commented on the blog and for all the help and support you have given me. Thank you Thomas for all your love...I love the fact that you "keep it real"....there is no covering up with you.....you say things the way they really are. You are brave about your feelings at times even when you know that others will always be ready to pounce on you and criticise. You are always ready to accept when you are in the wrong, and you handle such things very graciously. You are human....you are not perfect....you are "real"...and I love you for all of those things. All the best with your blogging. As for me.....I'm not strong enough to handle other people's feelings. I am too weak inside...too sensitive and I care too much about what others think of me.
We need to stay strong together as a couple and family....even when the world seems at times like it's falling round about us....I pray that we will always seek to put God first in our lives, and that we will never forget how much He loves us. He will never seek to destroy us, but only build us up.
God Bless and Adieu!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke FraserIf I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me,
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I.....I was made to live,
I was made to love,
I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope.....He's coming
!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Something to prove!Last Saturday night, a dream of mine came true. I am a big big fan of the Gaither Vocal Band, and so when my sister phoned to tell me that The Gaithers were having a homecoming tour for one night at the SECC, I was certainly not going to miss it. And boy...I was not disappointed.
They are from America and the last time they were over was 5 years ago and I unfortunately never got the chance to go to hear them then.The group that came over consisted of Guy Penrod....(Yeah....Big cheer!...love this guy), Bill Gaither of course, Marshall Hall and Wes Hampton ,and this made up the Gaither Vocal Band.
Then there was Ernie Haase and Signature Sound, whose members consisted of, yes....Ernie Haase!, Tim Duncan, Doug Anderson and Ryan Seaton.
Janet Paschal, whose many backing tracks I own was there, and brought great delight to me when she sang Written in red....the woman who first challenged me with the song and enabled me to use it on many occassions.This amazing lady has been battling with breast cancer for quite a few years, but so gladly testified that she has been cleared of all cancer just recently.
Of course, we had Gloria Gaither,
Bill's wife whose gift of the spoken word put to music was just spine tingling. For those of you who haven't hear of the Gaither's......they are the couple who wrote that well familiar piece of music "Because He lives" and have been responsible for writing many many lovely songs over the years. Bill and Gloria are such a Godly couple whose love for their Saviour is just oozing out of them. In fact I have to say, that love for God was so evident. to see in all of them.Then there were "The Easter's".....Husband Jeff and Wife Sherrie have been singing for many years together and they were great.
Playing guitar and being the comedian of the night was a guy called Kevin Williams who has been playing guitar for the gaithers for years now, but he also has his own solo career as well. 
He was so so funny, the whole mickey take out of Bill and the way Bill responds is all good fun and a great laugh. There was lastly but by no means least a guy that was led onto the stage and seated at the keyboard. This guy called Gordon Mote is blind and he just blew me away with his playing and his singing. All of these guys were just so note perfect and the songs that they sang were just so uplifting, challenging and encouraging.Ernie Hasse and Signature Sound teamed up with the Gaither Vocal Band and performed as a double quartet. Words cannot express, at least mine certainly can't just how truly beautiful their singing was....but more beautiful was the sincerity that they all had.
It's no secret that I have been feeling really quite lost for quite some time now, and to be honest, that's kinda still the case, and because of a whole bundle of different issues I have, without intending to I guess I have pushed God away. And I hate acknowledging that because I know and have always known that I can't live without Him but I have to be honest with myself and Him and say that I haven't spent much quality time with Him lately.
Whenever I have listened to the Gaither Vocal Band, I have always been blessed and been so brought close to God through their music and their harmonies. With everything that has been going on for these past months, I just haven't allowed myself to indulge in listening to them.
When the concert was over, and the purchasing of CD's were bought, and the getting squashed, and I mean squashed trying to get signatures and photos was all done I came away feeling that part of my emptiness had been filled with a new hope. Some of the words to the songs just blew me away and I just felt God so near.
Well it's no surprise that I have hardly had the CD's off. One is of Ernie Haase and Signature Sound, and the other is of the double quartet. There are many wonderful songs I could pick out, and I am sure on some other post I will comment on them...but there is one that has done me the world of good. It's about what I have been truly missing. It's called "Sitting at the feet of Jesus". Through listening and being challenged by these words I feel a flame is burning within me again....gently. Each time I listen, it seems to fan the flame more.
Here are the lyrics....they are old words but just so strong.
"Sitting at the feet of Jesus
Oh, what words I hear Him say
Happy place, so near, so precious
May it find me there each day
Sitting at the feet of Jesus
I would look upon the past
For His has been so gracious
It has won my heart at last
Sitting at the feet of Jesus
Where can mortals be more blest
There I lay my sins and sorrows
And, when weary, find sweet rest
Sitting at the feet of Jesus
There I love to weep and pray
While I from His fullness gather
Grace and comfort every day
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me
As I sit low at Thy feet
Oh, look down in love upon me
Let me see Thy face so sweet
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus
Make me holy as He is
May I prove I've been with Jesus
Who is all my righteousness"
Such powerful words, so sensitively sung as you will hear from the clip below. And I challenge anyone to hear this and not be blessed. What does it do for me?.......What's my challenge?...these last few lines
"Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus
Make me holy as He is
May I prove I've been with Jesus
Who is all my righteousness"
What a challenge.....for others to see the living proof that we have spent time in His presence, sitting at His feet....that people may see Him in us....in me. There is no time to waste....life is too precious and too short....and there are far too many souls out there who don't know Christ and I've got something to prove. I want to prove that I have spent time with my Saviour, sitting at His feet.
Please watch and listen.....and when the last verse is being sung and they sing a few lines accapella, just watch out for those tingles!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
LostNot been on the blog for ages! A mixture of reasons why really, but I mainly haven't had much spare time and have had a lot on my mind for quite a few months now that have just left me feeling pretty uninspired.
Thomas and I are at a crossroads in our christian pathways just now as far as our place of worship is concerned. A feeling of uneasiness is on our hearts each Sunday and has been pretty strong for about 6 months now to be honest....and perhaps to a slightly lesser degree for the past 2 years. Can I give a reason why we feel this way...why I feel this way? Not really!
Don't get me wrong... I could pick out lots of little reasons from things that have happened over the last wee while which have contributed to feeling this way, but it's more than that. It's a constant feeling that we aren't home anymore. God is still the most important things in our lives and always will be....it's just that we don't feel that we are where He wants us to be.
That's the scary part. With two kids whose spiritual teaching and happiness is of the utmost importance to us both, making a decision to be somewhere else becomes even more harder and frightening.
I'm scared because Thomas and I have been at our corps since we both got married 11 years ago. It's where a lot of good treasured friends are. It's where we have felt God calling us to be active in for so long...yet recently I have felt a strong need to just pull back and take myself out of things. There are a few issues for me personally that I am struggling to deal with, with a few individuals, and I know that this isn't helping, but unfortunately I know that feeling like this is affecting how I worship.
I feel at the moment that I just want to throw myself into my family because that is where I feel truly at home and where I can be myself and feel loved and safe. For these other areas in my life I feel exposed, broken, depressed and lethargic. Bitterness is creeping in and eating away at me big time, making the whole situation even worse.
My mind feels so noisy...there just seems to be so much going on in my head that I can't think straight. I feel as if God is calling to me and I can see Him standing a short distance away, but all this mess, all the thoughts, all these bitter feeling, all the pressures, all the activities....they are all making too much noise and I don't know whose voice I am hearing anymore.
I don't mean this all to sound depressing. I have to keep reminding myself that God has good things in store for us....it's just being patient and waiting to find out what that will be that is so hard.
I know I have been pushing people away in our Corps, and if your one of them, then I'm sorry, but it's not been on purpose, it's just that I have felt so tired and depressed to have to explain how I feel. Keeping people at a distance, although not a great thing to do, is sometimes the only way one can cope.
Anyhow....that's where I am at. A bit confused and lost as you can probably gather from reading this but at the same time even more aware of just how important my family is to me. I thank God so so much that you are in my life. You are my safe place...my haven!
Suddenly listening to Brooke Frasers "Faithful", means an awful lot to me.
There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
Iwave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for
When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful
All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me
Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Guy FawkesJust a quick wee post about last night. We are quite fortunate at this time of year to live close to Strathclyde Park. When everyone else has to travel down to the Park and stand for a few hours and get crushed and not particularly get the best view, we can stand from a field near our patch and watch the whole fireworks display on our doorstep.
Gran Elizabeth and Papa Angus were over, and Jane, Ross, Joanne and boyfriend Ritchie came over as well. We all got our scarves and gloves on and ventured out! It was a bit chilly but the fireworks were amazing! Thomas was taking pictures with his dad's fancy camera and we were taking the mickie a wee bit about him standing click clicking away like a wee pro!
Oh Thomas...you do make me laugh!
Great night....great company!
The highlight of the congress this year for me was the Belfast Drama Group. I was just absolutely blown away by their presentation and performance. They performed four times over the weekend and I could have watched them all night.
On Saturday night they did "The big climb" and then later "The big stick". On the Sunday morning they led in prayer with "Help, I'm too busy to pray" and then in the afternoon they really challenged me with "Six of the best"
Every single one of the group were so passionate about what they were doing...they were professional and were just so together.....it looked as though they all really connect with each other spiritually as well as socially.
I would love to see more of this kind of expression of worship and do hope this is not the last that I have seen of them!
Obviously my other highlight was singing with the A Chorus from music school under the leadership of the wonderful Ann Howlett-Foster. I sang with a tear in my eye on our last song as I realise that I probably won't experience that again. Very doubtful that I will be able to take a family holiday and go to music school next year. So so so sad!
It was also great to hear our A band as well. I absolutely loved the cornet solo from Craig Kilgour from Govan Corps of "In the love of Jesus" which was wonderful.
And then of course I couldn't leave out the African Choir who are now serving at Manchester Corps. They were so full of the spirit and their love for God was so evident to see. No inhibitions...just letting go and letting God!
Out in the foyer before the Saturday meeting started they were singing and dancing and praising God. I couldn't believe it when one of the babies strapped to his mummy's back fell asleep while his mum danced about.
One minute awake........
...the next...fast asleep!Truly amazing!
I could not believe it tonight when we saw someone had their Christmas tree up and window lights on already....the 6th of November. Guy Fawkes was yesterday....that's crazy. I mean ...don't get me wrong I absolutely love my decorations up....and I put mine up early enough on the 1st December, but I think that this is way to early.
In saying that I have managed to wrap up quite a number of my Christmas pressies tonight!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Mortified!I'm just in from our Saturday night Congress Meeting. I had received an email a few months ago saying that I was opening the congress with Christ of Calvary to the too high for me tune Annie Laurie. That was news to me as I had never been asked. I'm sure like most vocalists choosing a song that suits your style and singing is extremely important. Annie Laurie is never one that I would attempt unless the key could be brought down. The idea was that I would sing and then in the last verse I would invite the congregation to join in.
I've been dreading it to be honest for quite some time, but I thought, never mind I'm sure the pianist will be able to lower the key so that I can comfortably sing. Unfortunately for me I was being accompanied by the band. No lower key for me! One very quick run through this afternoon and that was me.....left feeling sick for the rest of the day.
Most folks are kind and say 'don't worry about it, you'll be just fine", and in normal circumstances with my own choice of song, at least you have a pretty good chance. Standing up tonight with all of my confidence running off the stage.....looking out at a couple of thousand folks, knowing full well you are not capable of being yourself and instead trying to just scrape by is terrifying.
The first verse didn't go particularly well. No volume was coming from my mike and so i was trying to sing as loud as I could...then it came on. Got to the chorus...painfully high for me. I was shaking. Inside I was trying to tell myself to calm down and just do my best. The rest went a bit better but I didn't enjoy singing......and left the stage feeling so let down by my inadequate vocal range.
I'm not trying to big myself up at all, please don't get me wrong, but to get the opportunity to sing in front of so many people and not be able to sing at my best for God just leaves me feeling utterl gutted. The majority of people there would have no idea that I was under duress with the song and so no doubt will have been saying, oh she's not very good. Why have they asked her. I am by no means a Marjory Watson or a Jane Brill...I just have an ordinary voice...but I know if I could have had my choice I could have done so much better.
Never the less, I can't undo what is done and I will just have to face more people tomorrow like tonight who so kindly are saying..."you did fine" and you know that they are thinking the same as you.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Halloween!Another Halloween has come and gone again. Dayna was dressed up as a spider and Miriam was a ladybird.
Here they are along with our neighbour, little Elly dressed as a pumpkin! We are exhausted after our trek around the streets, and with carrying the heavy bags of goodies. Unfortunately Thomas couldn't go around with us tonight as he is away to hear Shane Claiborne, but Janey came down to help me go around with the girls. We then went up to Jane & Ross' where we spend a lovely night along with Ross' Mum and Dad dooking (don't know if that's how you would spell it!!) for apples......
.....having a halloween quiz, and strangely enough showing off some of the strange things we can do!
Jane was lifting Miriam up with her feet, and then went to try to lift Ross at which point Ruth nearly had kittens.
Miriam was as per usual HYPER and was jumping on top of everyone.
A good time was had by all...and a big thank you to Ruth and Jim for the lift home.
